But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
