i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
