Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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