I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
