Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
