I like my sex mixed with concussions.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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