Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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