her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
