I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just pee around me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
