she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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