i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
