We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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