I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize