Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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