I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
