Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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