All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
