i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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