I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
