yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
