I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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