I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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