What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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