garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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