So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I got inside last night via doggy door
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
