ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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