btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
