i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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