My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we made out on top of his cat.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize