I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
