The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
