He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
