i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
