Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
