My hand turned me down
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
