I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
