I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
