Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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