the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
