Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
