awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize