I puked a lego.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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