you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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