Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
