U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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