Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
