I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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