wat bout pragnant strippers??
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
