I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
