i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
