You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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