I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
