a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
