just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
