i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize