Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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