he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
