Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Someone came in the potted fern
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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