how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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