In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
