i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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