This gyro tastes like lonliness
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
