Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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