Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
