I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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