well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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