saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Randomize
