Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
