I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
