this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
