Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
