you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
