I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
