nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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