we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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