Dude my mom stole all your condoms
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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