i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Panties = found
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
