exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
