If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
