I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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