I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
