how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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