some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
