happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
