I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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