fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
