I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
