mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
