i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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