Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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