At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
