Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
