If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She announced her abortion via fbk
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize