he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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