You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
