Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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